Been a week since i last post.... This week is not a very good week for mi... Cause i finally make myself do something which i had been running away from doing since last yr... I forced myself to start carrying on with my new chapter of life by giving her up even as a fren... I forced myself to not even feel a single thing if i were to meet her coincidently on the sstreet in future... its really a tough decision to make... Making this decision seems to incomplete mi and make mi think tat i'm giving up halfway on something i do again... But i know this time round its different....
This whole week, I tot thru alot while in the process of making the decision... I recalll everything in the past and run thru them again... There's happiness and sadness... What make mi make up the decision was still the incident and day when we broke up.... Maybe i can juz briefly tok thru it...
i still rem tat i keep blaming myself for our break up... Thinking tat maybe i really push you too tight tat makes u breathless... But i recall tat wat make mi start the quarrel tat day was due to the lie u told mi.... I really couldn't accept the truth tat u and ur best fren whom i nv hav doubt in gang up and tell mi such a lie... U know it tat i may be unhappy about wat happened tat night... but if u were to informed mi in the first place, although i may get upset, But not angry... Which in the end started the quarrel which seperated us up to this stage now... Sometimes, Am i really tat unreasonable?? Am i those jealous kinda person tat will make a very big fuse about wat u did?? Why could u lie to mi for his sake? Lied to someone whom love u so much and someone whom u love? Or maybe at that point of time u may hav stop loving mi already....
REm the online fren u had? The one tat asked u out and i din actually stop? I even let u go out with him alone and din kick a big fuse on it... Even though u still lied to mi telling mi u known him online for a few yrs already which in fact only one month(actually i know u lied to mi telling mi u known him for yrs. But i nv told u before tat i knew long ago tat u known him for only barely a month. i juz keep it to myself) And wat i got in return?? I got u telling mi straight in my face tat u do feel for him... Having good impression on him... Do u know how it feels inside mi at that time?? And when i was in camp and u told mi tat... I was left all alone to face it u know?? And when i told u thru the phone tat i wanted a break up, I really mean it... Cause i know u'll feel guilty about it and i rather hurt myself den make u feel guilty for the rest of ur life... I was even mentally prepared to let u go at tat time... but i juz couldn't bear to let go of my hands, So when u told mi u still love mi alot, I juz hold ur hand back tightly even more.... When u told mi u wun contact the person anymore, i felt so happy tat u will do anything to make mi happy...
And in the end, it still comes back again... This time round being betrayed by ur best fren whom can even tell mi tthru the phone tat "dun worry, she is with mi and one of my guy fren only... dun worry la... No other guys" Which turn out totally different... How could she make such a lie and still dun feel guilty at all?? She feels happy to see us seperated? MAybe.... And this is juz one thing that hurt mi.... For being lied by someone whom i love so much... Ur lie hurts mi deep thru my heart... When i found the msn chat log u had with him, tats the part that stab right into my heart tat day.... Learning the truth tat he keep on pushing u to tell mi tat u wan a break up.... And also the rest of the content which i dun wish to mention, do u know all these really break my whole world down? U really make mi can't put anymore full feelings into a relationship anymore... I'm really scared... Cause i can't afford to lose anymore... Can't afford to get this kind of hurt anymore... I really dun understand... U could give up and stop contacting the first guy.... Why u can't give the second one up for my sake again? Wat i can come up with is tat he's more important to u compared to mi.... I really dunno wats the real thing in ur heart...
All these make mi hav no choice and forced mi to really let go of my hands... This few days i kept telling myself tat i'm learning to let go... And i can do it... U know i know... I'm juz lying to myself... I'm trying to brainwash myself to believe tat and start to hate u.... We both know... I couldn't at all... But i juz choose to keep mum on it and let it buried down deep insde my heart.... Hoping u happy and wish u wun get cheated by him... But after all... U choosed it....
Nth is important at all...
Love gone so nth to say about it...
Shes the one for me that i search thru million...
Now, without her in my life, I nid to go thru another million to forget her....
The two lines above are rubbish...
I'm on my own and i'm hold on to my own life.... :D
Cravings
My own life
My own house
My own car
My own kids
My own..... :D
