Worried for her....
<3
Woke up today with a very strong feeling which i can't explained... This feeling tells mi tat something happening to her... I juz hav this feeling tat she might go on leave or MC today... Maybe juz to rest.. So i make a call juz moment ago to confirm my feeling.. She's on MC today.. Maybe its juz mi being too paranoid.. She may juz wanna hav a day off.. But i juz can't help thinking if she's really sick and is it serious... Wish very much to call her or sms her.. But i really dun dared to do it anymore... Can only juz pray and wish from here tat she'll be all right...
Was wondering if there's anyone taking care of her? Anyone looking after her? Rem tat i'm the one who used to do tat.. When ever she's sick, i'll hav to buy herbel tea, buy food, accompany her so she wun be bored.... Rem tat she's on fever once and i sit beside her bed and wet the towel to put on her head... I rem tat i was so worried tat day and really heartache to see her so xin ku... I was so worry at tat time tat i keep checking her tempreture every few mins... I juz keep changing the towel and kept on changing the ice in the bucket... At tat moment i juz wish i could be the one sick and at least be sick in her place.. Not tat i wanna make myself sounds great or wanna make anyone think i'm such a good bf. In fact, i'm not at all a great bf... I wanna be sick in her place cause when she's sick, i'm the one whose heart will be aching... I juz dun wanna my heart to ache when i see her sick... I rem i kept changing the towel till i fall asleep... But couldn't sleep well cause i kept on waking up to change the towel... If i were to take care of her the whole life, i think i wun hav a second thought and agreed to it straight...
There's once i was sick and resting in her place... She ordered mi to go to bed and rest... I went as ordered and fall asleep.. While i'm asleep, she wake mi up and pass mi med and forced mi to take even when i dun wan to.. So i got no choice but to take as i know how firece she can be... i still rem she hug mi and did alot of things for mi... Making mi feel better and also do anything i ask ehr to do... I can really sense tat she love mi alot at tat moment...
Last yr she juz did her operation to remove a nodule in her neck... I rem she was in fact very worry about it... She even worry tat it may be cancerous... And for few days she couldn't stop worrying... Seeing her like tat break my heart too... Some days, when i go back to camp tat time, i even cry out of worry.. I'm very afraid to lose her tat time... I cried under the blanket... I was having a baskeball match on the morning she had her operation... I made a very very wrong decision tat i regret even till now... I rem i make up my mind not to go for the match, but she tell mi to go as her mother is going to hospital with her... She always know tat i love basketball.. She muz be thinking tat she wan mi to go for the match cause she wan mi to be happy... I really made a wrong choice... I regret it even till now... Why didn't i juz be there with her?? I rem i left even halfway thru the match cause i really can't stop worrying for her... Till i reach hospital, when i see her couldn't even talk and eat cause of the wound, I wanted to cry out at the first sight of it... But i swallow it back... CAuse i cannot let her see mi cry... She will cry and get worry about mi and herself too... But seriously, i really did wanted to cry out... This i dun think she even know... Tat night, I stay with her for the whole day... I stayed by her bed watching her sleeping and hold her hand occasionally cause i afraid of losing her... Dunno why, I'm juz afraid tat she might juz disappear in front of mi... I relaly dunno why i got that feeling.... I went home at ard 4 as the ward dun allow male visitor to stay there.. i can only stay in the hall if i wanna stay overnight... So i went home to wash up and hav a rest... But i couldn't sleep at all... I was in fact tossing ard and whole mind was her thru out the night... So i din manage to get to sleep and juz went over back to hospital to look at her... Seeing her lying there still sleeping, fine and all right, i finally relieve the stone in my heart....
I guess when u really love someone, no matter at wat point of time. Be it when together or seperated, you'll be always afraid to lose her... And also, she'll be juz the everything in your heart and only person whom memories with u are still so clear even till now....
I'm really evry worried about her... I got the urge to juz rush over to her hse and take care of her... Telling her how much i love her so she can sleep better knowing someone is still out there loving her... Hugging her to sleep so tat she know nothing in this world will hurt her during her sleep and i'll be there to protect her from anything... Including myself from hurting her....
