A hurt and lonely lost soul
<3
These few days i've been in the lowest point of my life.... I told myself, no matter how hard and painful life is, i shld juz carry on walking even though its gonna be even more tough... Since Wed, i've been packing everything... For the past 3 yrs plus, i realised there alot of things ard...
Lots of Photos,
2 watches(one armani, one addidas),
2 wallet(one Lv card holder, one Barun buffel which is stolen),
few pieces of top and bottoms,
a scatch from Hong Kong theme park,
Air tickets and theme park tickets,
tickets to batam, tickets to genting,
a finished puzzel which took back from camp without framing,
birthday card long long ago,
pieces of stuff bought from hong kong trip,
a knitted sweater,
a framed up Sewing DIY,
a digital character photo frame with mi on the front and her at the back,
PSP,
A romeo and juliet top with box,
AX belt,
some presents box with ribbons,
receipt of flowers,
movie tickets,
Star virgo tickets and room card,
Genting theme park tickets,
genting hotel room card,
new york skin solution moisturiser
Some more which
So many things... For the past few months, i've been thinking if i shld juz throw them all away.. But i really can't bear to... All these items brings back memories and memories which haunt mi every now and then...
I asked myself, "Why are u looking at them again and again? Do you think all these gonna bring back anything? These are items and proof to you tat reminds u of something tat is lost and not be coming back anymore. Its become past tense and all these are being replaced by someone else already..."
Indeed, memories can be replaced... Photos can be replaced by someone else... Tickets can be replace by trips with someone else... All the rest can be replaced by someone else holding the same items u hav... But one thing tat can't be replaced is the one part of my heart tat belonged to..... The 4 songs i created... The cigs tat is stilll ard staying by my side... The phone which was meant for birthday.... The letters i used to write words from my heart... I put them all away... With only the phone excluded of course which i'll be using... All in a box which is sealed up... Alot of times i wish to bring it down and dump everything off... i tried to convince myself to pass it all back to her... I tried to put it somewhere i wun be taking out... But after a few hrs, i juz take it out and go thru them once again... Am i juz so stubborn and indecisive to do tat? Why? She can do it so well and move on so well... Why can't i juz do like wat she did and wat she want and hope?
Today, again i put them away.... Dunno when am i gonna bring them out again... Maybe tonight, maybe tml, maybe some time in future or maybe forever..... I can't predict and can't tell.... Cause my brain and heart are being seperated...
My brain asked my heart, "why is it tat we both live on the flow of blood, but we go in different direction? Shldn't we move in the same pace and direction?" My heart reply... "Although we may live on the same air and flow of blood, but you brain move on choosing the right path which is wat majority will do. Heart like mi nove on the wat i feel and even everyone might be against it, I still move on with wat i believe in and wat ever i feel like even though it might be wrong to others."
The battle of my brain and heart sparks off... Who will win the battle, no one knows... But this battle is gonna cause suffering and pain inside mi from now on... Till one day the war is over and peace restored... Till then, Jinman is not Jinman... Kevix is not Kevix... Its only the life of a hurt and lonely lost soul, walking ard in a body which belong to neither the brain nor the heart... Not to say anyone... Be it her or mi....
All things can be replaced... Except the heart for her.....
