Its the end....
<3
Finally i got the ans tat i wan all along... Although its not given by her, but tat shld be the ans.. Its really hurting to hav tat ans cause all along i din expect tat ans... Now i'm been throw into the total darkness in my life... All due to myself...
I used to think tat loving someone is juz putting in all effort and love u have to her... But in actual fact, tat alone doesn't solve everything... I have to admit tat things come to this situation mainly cause i din do well in areas i shld... So all to have myself blamed...
I spent effort coming up with a christmas programme thinking it might help bringing things back to like wat we used to be... But all the effort are now gone into the drain... The special gift i'm going to give, the special night i'm going to have with her all perished... No way to bring everything back in shape...
Wat went wrong?? No one is to be blamed for it other than myself... Blamed it on mi not sensing things are going well and try to do something about it... Blame it on mi not being able to hold my temper and emotions creating mess thru out this period... Coming to this stage is all created by me myself... The person to be blamed? Myself...
The feeling i have for her... The love i have for her... The concern i have for her... The future i have and wished for her... All gone with the tears rolling down my cheek juz now... No more her in my future life... No more us in the life ahead of me... I actually din know how to live on... Imagine life without her by my side was already painful... To actually live on without her by my side is even more painful..
Life goes on... This is the sentence tat i've been hearing from everyone ard mi... Ya, indeed life really goes on... Its juz tat life going without her is colourless and unbearable... I'll live on my life for sure... But as i live on, my only hope and wish is looking forward to the day when me and her are finally back together... Although i know myself tat this day wun come anymore, i juz can't stop hoping for it... Tats the only aim in my life in future...
All the past 3 yrs of memories are to be kept into this corner of my heart tat will be preserved to the day i leave this world... I promised myself not to take any chance to miss another oppotunity in future if the day ever come for her to be back with mi... Therefore going into another relationship is impossible for mi anymore... Cause i know tat for the yrs down the road, i'll be preparing and grooming myself to a person which wun let this thing happened again when shes back...
For the things tat i din do or change during the 3 yrs, which cause your suffering, i can only say sorry... Which in fact for 3 yrs i actually din even manage to solved the thing between my family and you... I really din do a good job in tat... I think tats the most regretable thing tat i have... Maybe if tat was solved, we might not be in this state... Thats also the thing tat hurt u most i think... Sorry Eemin... Sorry for causing u this scar tat cuts u deeply in ur heart... It hurts mi when you're crying in the night or at a corner when u think of it... Tats y i know tat this matter causes you a scar tat i'll nv be able to recover for u.... I'm really not a good BF to you... Cause a good BF wun cause this thing to happened... Really sorry....
I really love you alot... So much tat now i can juz let go and hope better life for u to be without mi... Get someone to love and care for you more than mi... Get someone to treasure u more than mi... Get someone to lean on to without having to make you cry and hurt like i did... As for mi, I can only go on with life without you.. living as happy as possible to not make u hav to worry about mi... Turning myself into a better person to let u lean on if theres future for us... As for current, I turn into ur gurdian angel hoping the best for u as we go down the road... Being there for you in a dark corner without showing myself infront of you... Guarding u no matter anything happened... Letting u feel blissed to have someone always as closed as a turn around distant... Always standing there loving, missing, guarding and protecting you... When you nid someone to paved the road in front, it will be paved. When you nid to run away from unhappiness, it will be stopped not letting it come near to you... When you nid someone to save you from danger, you'll be saved... Tats all i could do....
PS : Rem the msg i send u juz now regrading the christmas eve? Pls dun reject the last request i have for you... I juz wan it to end beautifully... Although there wun be the day for us to be back together.. Although i din really give u a very beautiful 3 yrs.. I juz hope tat at the very end of it, i can give u a beautiful and happy memory to look back when we're old.... 
